The Purlieu Experiment
Chapter 32
Copyright 2015 & 2021
Donte and Rianne arrived at Bergen without recognition this time. No one was there to greet them and when they went to see Saskia and Pieter, it was a quiet and solemn group they found. Pieter immediately took Donte to his office. Rianne started to go with him and Pieter looked at her.
"This does not concern you."
Donte clamped his lips tight against the angry reply that wanted to escape, but Rianne merely smiled at him. "Later."
In his office, Pieter didn't go behind his desk to face Donte as he usually did. Instead, he rolled his wheelchair around to face Donte and ordered him to sit in a chair.
Donte sat in a chair. "There was no reason to be rude to Rianne."
Pieter frowned. "This has nothing to do with her and it has nothing to do with your performance as an officer. This is personal."
Donte waited. He wasn't going to take another scolding from Pieter. He wasn't going to get hot headed either. He was simply going to get things straight. But first he had to listen to Pieter's complaint. Clearly neither time nor a successful mission had improved his attitude.
Pieter leaned his elbows on the chair arms and looked at Donte. "I have some bad news for you."
Donte watched his face and waited.
"Kafil sent a message that…your daughter died of some kind of respiratory problem."
If Pieter had used a board to smack Donte upside the head, it would have been less painful than the news. A huge lump formed in his throat. His face felt drawn and he felt sick to his stomach. It was happening all over again. How many of his children had to die before he began to heed his instincts? He tried to picture her little face, but every time he did, he saw her crying, begging him not to go…just like Liana. When he stood, his knees felt weak. His eyes burned with unshed tears. He finally managed one word, spoken in an agonized croak. "Chiku."
He was vaguely aware that Pieter was watching him. He had to get away. Pieter would not understand this pain any more than he understood the urgency that made him want to board that boat and go to her. In the fog of pain something else occurred to him. He turned to Pieter.
"You knew. That's why you sent me to Lochfowk." When Pieter didn't respond, he turned away from him, heading for the door.
"Donte, come back here."
Donte ignored him. He walked out the door and slammed it as hard as he could. It didn't help at all. He marched to the outside door, ignoring Rianne when she called to him. He wanted to get away from the pain…the betrayal. Unfortunately, the betrayal lay inside him. He had betrayed Chiku – and for what? He would gladly have given his life for hers. At the moment he wished that they had completed the job of executing him.
He took the lift down to the lobby. He needed some fresh air. He felt as though he was suffocating. He only made it a few steps out of the lift when his knees buckled. He sank to the floor on his knees and covered his face, consumed with uncontrollable sobs. It didn't matter that people were watching him. He couldn't have stopped the tears if he wanted to. He didn't want to. Right then the only thing he wanted to do was die. He had no right to live. He was an abomination.
Suddenly a cool hand touched his temple and a calm voice was telling him to let it go. Rianne. How could he have forgotten Rianne? He didn't want to die. He wanted to go away someplace with her. Some place where they could do the things they knew they should.
He stood and pulled her into his arms. Resting his chin on the top of her head, he tried to wipe the tears from his face. Someone handed him a handkerchief and he put it to good use. Only then did he become fully aware of everyone watching him.
Donica's eyes were wide, her hand over her mouth. Saskia had her face buried in a handkerchief and Pieter…Pieter looked horrified. No doubt, having his grandson's weakness exposed to the colony was a blow to his ego. He was probably wishing he had selected someone else. He should have.
"Come on, Donte." Rianne said in a gentle voice. "Let’s go to our room and talk about this."
She put her arm around his waist and he put an arm around her shoulders. Without a word to the onlookers, they turned and walked to their room.
Inside the privacy of their room, Rianne sat him down and talked to him.
"He knew she was in bad condition when he sent you to Lochfowk. That was why he wanted you to complete the mission so quickly. He was afraid if he told you she was sick, that you would want to go there. He thought only you could convince the Lochfowk to send medical aid. He didn’t know she was going to die, Donte."
He stared at her. "You knew?"
She shook her head. "Not until a few minutes ago. Saskia told me while Pieter was talking to you."
"He should have told me."
"Yes, he should have, but he didn't. He made a mistake, Donte."
After hours of talking to Rianne and finally some uninterrupted sleep, he woke. The first thing he saw was the uniform hanging on the wall. The anger had dissipated, leaving his head clear enough to know what he wanted to do with that uniform.
Rianne sat at the table writing something on a paper. He sat up and slid his legs off the bed. "Let’s go to Libertad this morning."
Rianne looked up. "And then what?"
He shook his head. "I don’t know. I only know I don't want to be here anymore."
"You’re hurting. Give yourself time to heal."
"Is this how you want to live?"
Her expression was guarded. "I want to be wherever you are, Donte."
He took a deep breath and released it in a long sigh. "I don't want this, Rianne. It isn't like I thought it would be. Maybe I'm not up to the job. All I know is that I don't want to live like this – doing things I think are wrong simply because they come from someone I admire and respect."
She smiled. "It’s good to know you have forgiven him. He meant well; you know."
He nodded. "As much as he knew, but a man who will not listen to the hearts of others is bound to fail in his own eyes." He ran a hand through his hair. "I killed her, not him."
Rianne pushed the paper aside and stood, walking over to the bed. She sat beside him on the bed and put an arm around his shoulders. "You didn't kill her, Donte. She didn't die because you left. She died because they didn't have the medical knowledge to save her. She died the day you felt the fever leave her body. Your going to Nyumbani wouldn't have saved her. You're doing the only thing you can – uniting the colonies so that they can share."
She was right, of course. She was always right. He looked at her. "We." He corrected. "No more me…it's we from now on. It should have been we all along. We can do this together, Rianne."
She smiled. "We can, can't we? I like that little word a lot…we."
He bathed and put on clean clothes. Taking the uniform down from the hook, he folded it carefully – even reverently. The uniform wasn't his problem. In fact, any failing was due to his shortcomings. Pieter was disappointed in his performance for a good reason. He wasn't leadership material. Picking up the folded uniform, he turned to Rianne. "I'll go take care of this. Do you think you could pack our things and be ready when I get back?"
She kissed him. "I'll be ready. Do what you must."
Donte carried the uniform to Pieter and placed it on his lap. "I don't want this, he said. I don't deserve it and the cost is too high."
Pieter looked up at him, not entirely shocked. "You speak out of pain and anger. When you think about it more, you will understand that I did this to make you a stronger leader."
Donte shook his head. "No Papaw. You're the one who doesn't understand. Love is not a weakness."
He turned to Donica and Saskia. "Rianne and I are leaving on the morning tram to Libertad. I don't know where we will go from there.
Donica began to cry. She hugged him. "Please don't stay away forever."
He kissed her cheek. "I'll come back as long as I am welcome."
Saskia hugged him. "You are always welcome. Surely you know that."
He nodded and turned back to Pieter. Pieter was staring at the uniform, tears running down his cheeks. Donte squatted beside him and put a hand on his shoulder. "I was angry and hurting and I was disrespectful toward you. I hope you will forgive me for that. I love you Papaw. I still think you were wrong, but I love you." He stood. "I thought I wanted this, but never this way. I don't know how I will help the colonies, but I know I can't do it shackled to this uniform or doing everything from the perspective of Bergen."
Pieter looked up at him. "You are always welcome here." His voice wavered and he turned away, wheeling his chair into his office.
When the door shut, Donte turned to Donica and Saskia. Saskia looked at the closed door and shook her head.
"Sometimes I think; and for this I gave up a leadership position." She sighed; her attention turning back to Donte. "But you are right. Love is a strength. I didn't give up my colony because I was weak." She hugged Donte. "This is not your destiny, Donte. It is much greater than one little colony."
He didn't know what his destiny was. Maybe he didn't have one. Maybe people made their own destiny. All he knew was there were two things that he wanted more than anything else. One was Rianne. She was his greatest strength. The other was unity between the colonies. He wasn't sure why that was so important, but he knew it was. The only colony leader who understood his drive was King Neirin. To all the others it was an abstract idea.
Donte and Rianne arrived in Libertad without warning, but Quade expected them all the same. Rianne stood quietly beside him as he told his father what he had done.
Quade shook his head. "I tried to tell him, but he wouldn’t listen."
Donte stared at him. "You knew too?"
"He told me after he sent you to Lochfowk. It was already too late for anyone to do anything. Chiku died the day you exchanged vows. Your going there wouldn't have helped her and it would have put you in danger."
"But why didn't he discuss it with me? Didn't he have any faith in me at all? Why did he talk to me like I was nobody?"
Quade shook his head. "I don't know, Donte. I'm sorry about all of it. I wish there was something that I could have done, but I honestly don’t know what it would have been."
Donte took a deep breath. "It isn't your fault. I didn't mean to unload this all on you."
"I'm your father, Donte. You can always come to me."
Donte nodded. "I know that." He glanced at Rianne. "We need a place to stay until we decide what we’re going to do next."
"You can stay here."
Donte shook his head. "Thank you, but we'd rather have our own place."
Quade smiled. "I understand. Let me check around. You can stay here until we find something."
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