The Amelioration Expedition
Chapter 26
Rianne held the log steady while Donte started a notch. He completed the straight side and started the angle. Regardless of what Donte was doing, he excelled at it.
"Is there anything you can't do well?" she asked.
For a moment he was silent. When he spoke, his voice was so soft that it was difficult to hear what he was saying above the sound of sawing.
"Apparently there is something I don't do well at all."
Once again, he was leading into the subject of why she left. If she could give him one reason, he might understand. She had given a lot of thought about the incident that troubled her most. She had come to the conclusion that it was the trip with Sima, specifically that last week.
"I'm sure Sima would agree that you do everything well."
He stopped sawing and stared at her. "Is that why you left me – because I went on tour with Sima?"
"You were gone three weeks – and then you messaged to say you would stay another week. You didn't even invite me. I would have gone…"
He frowned. "I did invite you from the beginning, but you didn't want to go. I thought…." He shook his head. "I should have asked again."
"I didn't want to go at first because I hate the way she acts with you. When you didn't invite me for the fourth week, I thought maybe you'd rather be with her, and I was only in the way."
He stared at her for a minute. "It never occurred to me." He grimaced. "Sima has an off-colored sense of humor. You have to ignore it. She isn't that way all the time."
"She desires you." She shrugged. "So do a lot of other women, but they don't openly do it with such…intense passion."
"Yes, she desires me. I think it's merely because she knows she can't have me. I'm a challenge and she's an incorrigible flirt. That's all it is, Rianne. I don't want her and she wouldn't want me if I did."
Rianne placed her hands on the log. "You'd better start sawing. I think everyone is wondering when this log is going to be available."
He lifted the saw. "I thought you left because we couldn't have any more children."
"But we can."
"Is that why you came back?" He began sawing vigorously.
"No. I came back because you were trying to contact me. I thought maybe you had forgiven me." She sighed. "Maybe what I did was unforgivable."
He glanced at her. "It's unforgettable. I'm concerned that if you did it once, you'll do it again."
She didn't know what to say. She didn't think she would ever do it again, but she never would have thought she would do it the first time. One of their vows was that if either of them became displeased with the other, the other would let them go. She hadn't been displeased with him, but she had thought he was displeased with her. She should have talked to him about it. She couldn't let this opportunity go.
He had stopped sawing again and was watching her, waiting for a reply. She gazed into his eyes.
"I was never displeased with you, Donte. I always loved you and I still do."
"You keep saying it wasn't me…but you left me. If it wasn't me, then why did you leave?"
She sighed. "It's more complicated than that. There were a lot of contributing factors, and I felt…"
David joined them. "You two need to take a break."
Donte looked at him and smiled. "I think that's what we've been doing."
David laughed. "Well, don't let me interrupt, then." He turned and walked away.
"I think he feels unnecessary," Donte said.
Maybe he wanted to leave their conversation the way it was, but she wasn't willing to do so. She sighed again.
"I guess that pretty much sums up how I felt." She called after David. "Why don't you give Donte a break? He's been working harder and longer than me."
David turned around and smiled. Donte handed him the saw and looked at Rianne. "Maybe I could use a break."
She wasn't sure how he intended the statement, so she didn't respond. As he walked away, tears burned her eyes."
David began sawing, and talking. "You can tell me to mind my own business, but it seems to me that you need someone to talk to."
She had been talking to Donte, but what he needed was some time to think about what she had said. Donte wanted complicated problems presented to him a piece at a time so he could put it together in his own way. Donte wanted to see this as a simple problem – one that could be explained in one conversation. He didn't understand and she wasn't giving him much help understanding – maybe because she still didn't thoroughly understand.
"I've needed someone to talk to for a very long time," she finally said.
He continued to saw. "I'm listening."
"I don't know where to start."
He didn't pause in his work. "Just let it all go. I promise I won't say a word to anyone."
"Why are you doing this?"
He glanced up. "My wife committed suicide. I wasn't there when she needed me. Maybe I need to be there for someone sometime."
Rianne nodded. "Maybe we both need to talk."
He gave her a wry smile. "I just did more talking about it right now than I have to anyone. Now it's your turn."
She took a deep breath. "I don't think I would have the courage to take my own life…I thought about it…." He didn't respond. She glanced around, searching for Donte. He was standing in the field, sensing…or thinking…maybe both. "I wish I could explain it to him. But I don't understand why I left him…not completely."
The rhythm of his sawing was reassuring, for some reason – maybe because it was like no one was listening and she could say aloud what she had been thinking, and yet there might be valuable feedback.
"It started out with the last of our children leaving home, and knowing that for hundreds of years, there would be no more. Our oldest girl exchanged vows with a mascot and they couldn't have any children, so there would be no grandchildren. I felt sad about that, but we knew it would be that way. I didn't know what to do with my time. Donte was away on a campaign tour with…a woman. I didn't have anything constructive to occupy my mind, so I started thinking destructive thoughts."
David didn't respond. If she hadn't known better, she would have thought he wasn't even listening. She continued.
"I knew it was important to him that a colonist would be elected president. I knew he would never be unfaithful to me, but I made myself believe that he wanted her. He asked me to go with them, but I didn't want to be…" She stopped. He didn't want to hear the sordid details and he probably already got the picture. "After he returned, he was preoccupied with something."
He glanced up at her. "Did you ever ask him what?"
She shook her head. "No. I assumed it was her. I didn't want to hear him say it."
"So you left him."
She grimaced. "It isn't that simple. Donte can still have children, but I can't. The male mascots of Lochfowk aren't sterile, so there are a lot of young mascot women who could still have children. I was convinced that was what he was struggling with – and I was in the way."
He sawed completely through to the first cut and the piece fell to the ground with a thud. He straightened and looked at her.
"Tell him that, and ask him why he was so inattentive and distracted. I'll never know why my wife was so unhappy. Maybe she didn't know either. The doctor said she was depressed. You know how you felt when you left him, but how do you think he felt?"
They stood in silence while Paden and Myrick came and took the log. They said nothing until the two men brought them another marked log. When they left, Rianne looked at David.
"Thank you for listening to me, and for your observations. I was so busy thinking about how I was going to explain my actions to him, that I haven't given enough thought about what I needed to ask him."
He thought about it for a minute. "I wish I had asked about how she felt, but it's too late for me."
"I'm sorry about your loss – and hers. I hope this conversation helped you as much as I think it will help me."
His smile was poignant. "If I have helped you, then it has helped me."
Rianne worked with David until Donte returned. At that point she had to go help Marlin and Saar took over. She didn't get a chance to talk to Donte again until after the evening meal. Everyone was packing up, and getting ready to go back to the camp. The outside walls of the building had been completed to one log beyond the second floor. The doors and windows had been framed. They planned to finish the walls tomorrow.
Donte was standing beside the building, staring off into the forest, when Rianne joined him. She stood beside him quietly for a few minutes until he looked down at her.
"It was nice working with you today. I didn't intend to drive you away."
"You didn't. Marlin needed me to work with her."
She gazed up at him, trying to find the courage to get back into their conversation. They needed to work this out. She finally began with a question.
"When you returned from Lochfowk, why were you so…preoccupied?"
He looked startled. "I wasn't aware I was…" He paused, obviously considering the question. "I was thinking about Gerritt, and that he would never get to be ruler unless I…" He shook his head. "I'm sorry. I didn't intend to shut you out, but I did, didn't I?"
"I thought…" It didn't matter what she thought. She obviously thought wrong. "That must have been difficult for you, as much as you enjoyed being the Ruler of Bergen." She frowned. "Did you resign because of me?"
He shrugged. "In a way, I guess. I finally accepted the fact that you weren't going to come back. I felt…restless. I wanted something that would offer a challenge. I knew Gerritt would be as good at ruling as I was and he wanted the position." He shrugged again. "I did like it, but…I wanted to do something else with my life. I no longer had to consider my family, so when Dr. Oriana called, I did what I wanted to do instead of what I thought I should do."
Rianne groaned. "Oh Donte. I had no idea. All these months spent apart. If we had only talked to each other. I wanted something different too. When I heard you were going to Opus, I hoped you would ask me to go with you. I love doing this…and being near you." She began to weep. "I've missed you so much."
***
When Rianne started asking him questions, Donte thought at first that she should be answering some of his. It took a few minutes before he began to realize that she was answering his questions. Why had he been so preoccupied? He had pushed her away and made her feel unwanted. He had been thinking about Gerritt and Barclay and the Colonists; everyone but Rianne. He had never asked her what she wanted to do. He had treated her like a possession.
No wonder she didn't want him to resign and come live with her in Bosvrouwen. That wasn't what she wanted to do with her life either. She wanted the same thing he wanted – a change. She wanted to be a part of things. She had been that while the children were growing up, but with them gone, she no longer had a purpose in the Groot Thuis. That was his fault. It was so like Rianne not to wallow in self-pity. Instead, she did something. Maybe it wasn't the right thing, but at least she did something. It took her leaving to make him do something about the way he felt.
When Rianne began to cry, he reached for her. She came into his arms and lifted her face to receive his attention.
"I love you Donte," she whispered.
"I love you too, Rianne," he answered.
She pulled back and looked up at him. "Will you forgive me? Can we exchange vows again?"
He shook his head. "We exchanged vows once. You said you released me from my vows, but I didn't give up my vows. You didn't say you gave up yours, either. As far as I'm concerned, we are still mates." He pulled her close again. "Of course I forgive you, Rianne. No one is always strong. Look at all I've put you through, and you were always there for me."
He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her – not like he had kissed Marlin. He had kissed Marlin with his lips. He kissed Rianne with his heart and soul.
***
Marlin lifted Gezant from her basket and turned to search for Rianne. She spotted her talking to Donte again. They would join the rest of them when they were ready.
Donte held his arms out to Rianne and she went to him. They kissed for a long time.
Marlin glanced around to see what everyone else thought about their open display of affection, but everyone was carefully looking the other way. Marlin turned her back on them and saw David smiling. What had he told Rianne that helped them get back together?
It crossed Marlin's mind that she might have suddenly lost all her help. Whether Donte and Rianne made up or split up, they probably wouldn't want to stay on Opus. Why hadn't she thought of that?
***
Lori was certain that Marlin was trying to get Donte and Rianne back together. It looked like she had accomplished her mission; so why did she look so concerned? Marlin had mentioned on several occasions that she had a boyfriend. Who and where was he? Lori had the feeling that Marlin wanted to stay on Opus. Did she really have a boyfriend, or was that merely a cover for the baby?
After a while, Donte and Rianne joined the rest of them. Donte was holding Rianne's hand and their fingers were laced together. Donte and Rianne had revived their love. Marlin's Castle was shaping up well. It had been a good day and things were looking like they might actually be ready for the colonists on time.
Soft Science Fiction
